Birthday, is it happy?

So, you arrive solo in Rotterdam for work, know just a handful of people, and miraculously find a job at an international company filled with colleagues from various nationalities ready to make new friends. Naturally, there are also Dutch colleagues who enjoy the company of foreigners.

One day, out of the blue, a Dutch colleague decides to invite you to her birthday party. It’s on a Saturday afternoon, and you think, “Yay, a party!” Since your schedule isn’t packed, you decide to check it out and see what happens. The party starts at four; a bit early by Spanish standards, but hey, who’s judging?

You roll in a little after five to avoid being the first guest and find about fifteen people sitting in a circle at the living room table (you’ll later discover the foreigners call it “The Circle of Death”). There are flags hanging from the ceiling, bouquets of flowers, and presents scattered on the table.

The hostess asks what you want to drink, and of course, you’re thinking, “Is this a party or a tea party?” So, you ask for a beer. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice heads turning in your direction. The hostess then sweetly asks if you’d prefer coffee or tea. Feeling the weight of those curious stares, you opt for tea.

Before she heads to the kitchen to prepare your beverage, she leans in and whispers if you want apple pie or chocolate cake. With any luck, maybe there are three options? Truth is, you’re not in the mood for dessert.

The Circle of Death

Faced with the serious faces and hushed murmurs, you join the circle and brace yourself for the fun. And here comes the torture. No spontaneous conversations; it’s all scripted: “Hi, I’m so-and-so,” handshake; “Hi, I’m what’s-her-name,” another handshake, with zero enthusiasm… Where are you from? How long have you been here? Do you speak Dutch? Where do you work?

More people trickle in, and the word “gefeliciteerd” is repeated not just to the birthday person but to every member of her family. You find yourself answering the same round of questions again.

After an hour of wondering when the actual fun will begin, bowls of peanuts, chips, tomatoes, olives, snacks, and a selection of supermarket goodies appear (depending on whether the closest store is, Albert Heijn or Lidl).

People from all over the country keep arriving: the aunt, the brother-in-law, the nephews who only make an appearance a couple of times a year. Same routine: coffee or tea, a lap around the circle, shaking hands and introducing themselves to each other. The circle stays intact; if you’re stuck next to the birthday girl’s grandma, you’re fucked. There is no escape.

It’s over six-thirty, and finally, wine and beer show up. If you ask for more than three beers, you’ll hear comments like, “You’re drinking pretty fast, huh?” By eight-ish, after a few beers, hunger starts creeping in. You ask the hostess if she’s prepared any dinner, and she beams back, “That’s all there is! I didn’t make anything.”

The music is nonexistent, conversations are boring, and no plans are in sight. After a timid goodbye, you decide to head out for dinner. If it’s getting late, you’ll have to settle for fried food at a Turkish fast-food toko since all the restaurants will be fully booked by seven.

You end up at a bar-restaurant-nightclub until the early hours, remembering the “epic birthday party” you just attended.

That was my first birthday party in the Netherlands; of course there are livelier celebrations depending on who’s hosting.

My advice? If you’re invited to a birthday party and you see chairs arranged in a circle when you arrive, find a convincing excuse to leave early.

Foreign Birthday in Rotterdam

Recently, I attended the birthday of an American friend of a friend. There were chorizos, ham, fuet, cheese, aioli, bread, and other delicacies.

There was even a tray for guests with hash, pills, and other fun substances. In the living room, a mini disco was set up. The neighbours didn’t complain about the noise; they just joined the party instead.

A colourful mix of people filled the small neighborhood apartment, glowing with neon lights. Getting to the bathroom was a mission, as there were always groups huddled in there for a quick “touch-up.”

The fridge was overflowing with wine and booze, and the terrace, piled high with beer boxes, was occupied by people smoking legal goodies and dancing. Now that was a real party! Around four in the morning, I stumbled out, quite tipsy, while the celebration was still going strong.

Traditional Birthday in the Netherlands

In the Netherlands, birthdays are a big deal and celebrated in various ways. People often invite friends and family over to commemorate the day with food and drink. Cake is usually served, and they sing “happy birthday” in Dutch (“Lang zal ze leven” or “Hieperdepiep hoera”). It’s also common for the birthday person to receive gifts from their guests.

Additionally, it’s customary for the birthday person to offer something sweet or savory to their friends and family, known as “traktatie,” as a thank you for coming to celebrate. Kids often bring these traktaties to school, and most of the time, they prepare them themselves. I’ve seen some impressive traktaties. At work, it’s also typical for the birthday celebrant to bring cake or pastries for their colleagues.

Things to expect at a Dutch birthday: sitting in a circle with guests, serving tea and cake, congratulating everyone present, opening gifts in front of everyone, and turning into Abraham or Sara when you hit 50. Plus, don’t forget those calendars in the bathroom marking everyone’s birthdays!

Some handy words for a Dutch birthday bash: Gefeliciteerd (congratulations), Taart (cake), Kringverjaardag (circle birthday party), Koffie (coffee), Thee (tea), Hapjes (snacks), Drankjes (drinks), Cadeau (gift), Feesthoedje (party hat).

I haven’t sat in the Circle of Death for a few years now, but apparently, the new generation of Dutch folks is shaking things up. Hallelujah!